Anxiety – a b*tch

I’m writing this post on April 27th 2019; I’m still not sure if I’m going to publish this or not, but I do feel the need to write this down for now.

I’ve taken a break from social media mainly because it got too overwhelming for me. Instagram is a great platform for me to voice out my opinions about things that matter to me, but lately, it got a bit too unhealthy and toxic.

Anxiety is real, believe me when I say that, and it can affect your life in ways that you can’t imagine. It’s not something that I’ve experienced only recently, its been there all along and I know it like clockwork. I know what situations can trigger it in me, I know what to avoid, and I also know that I would be missing out on things because of this.

I think I was the happiest in the first two months of this year, everything was just falling into place, and even that was a little bit scary because you know there’s always a catch with the universe. I mean even during those days, I couldn’t help but think, ‘what’s the f**king catch over here why am I so happy?’, It happens when you’re an over-thinker trust me! Anyway like I said there’s always a catch and let’s just say things flipped. And it was such a bad flip that I think it got to me; I think it got to my heart.

I don’t like sharing too many details about my personal life; I like having boundaries, so let’s just say that sometimes life can surprise you in unpleasant ways. It’s just at this age can make you anxious and worried because you’re neither here nor there, you’re not fully aware of what the future holds and thanks to society we all have to follow a ‘timeline’.

You know the timeline, married by 24, kids by 27, career sorted halfway through- all of that jazz. And it’s annoying because the pressure can get to people and to top it all of, we have social media where no-one is posting their failures or problems, so it just seems like everyone’s living their best lives which isn’t even true!

It’s a constant rat race; if you’re married, then everyone wants to know when you’re going to have a baby. If you’re sorted career wise but not married, then everyone wants to know when you’re going to get married! It’s a never ending check list, and it’s bizarre, to be honest. I hate it. And hate is a very strong word, and I don’t use it frequently, but here I am!

Whenever I have a meltdown (been having a lot of ’em lately, which is why I’m not active anywhere), I always try and speak to people who are much older than me. It helps me gain perspective, and it inspires me in a unique way. It also gives my heart a tiny satisfaction that things will pan out okay in the end.

My sister has been my rock, and I think she’s seen me through some of the most tragic meltdowns (that I wish she didn’t have to witness) that I’ve had and has always helped me see the bigger picture in the end. I honestly feel like I would be in therapy if I did not have her. She’s legit my therapist. She knows it all. (I honestly think everyone should see a therapist at some point in their life, I think it’s healthy and necessary)

My point is, I feel everyone has anxiety the levels just vary, and some people are better at it than others. Anxiety is not your identity; it’s just a tiny part of who you are. And that’s okay. It’s okay to have days when you don’t feel like getting out of bed, it’s okay to take some time off from people and the internet to figure yourself out, and it’s okay to feel things, that’s how you let ’em go.

Feel it, then let it go. 

Always remember you are not the only one going through this; everyone has problems and issues. That’s when you need to take a step back and focus only on improving yourself and your life. By that, I don’t mean getting yourself the best facemasks and bath bombs; I mean like REALLY taking care of yourself, reading books that help you gain perspective. Writing down your thoughts and feelings (sounds like a cliché, but it does help that’s all that I’ve been doing) going for walks, spending time with your friends. I think I’m lucky to have friends who never judge me for my thoughts, who are there 100% when I throw a shit fit. It’s so important to surround yourself with the people that love you unconditionally; I think everyone needs that on their darkest of days.

Sit somewhere alone and take some time off to gather your thoughts, I usually end up going to the beach or the mountains when I need some clarity or when I just need to sit and unwind. I think it’s healthy.

Only YOU can make a change if you WANT to. No-one else can do that for you.